Tory victory will be dependent on their very own Labrador puppy

Jeremy Bullmore

I've just had a sneak preview of the first draft of next year's Conservative party election manifesto. It was a card left on my table at a restaurant in London W1. To spare the restaurant embarrassment (and because I'd like to go back) I'll conceal its identity. The card was what they call a tent card and it drew my attention to a new private dining room. It read, in full, 'Intimate but also formal, somewhat reminiscent of the gentlemen's clubs of this area but with a distinctive feminine touch.'

Like all such statements – and we've all seen dozens in planning documents and 72-deck PowerPoint presentations – there's a little something there for everyone. The trouble, of course, is that when you put in a little something for everyone, you risk ending up with nothing much for anyone. 'Yetism', as Stephen King repeatedly reminded us all, is the infallible sign of a flawed strategy. 'Full of flavour yet mild to the taste', 'Contemporary chic yet with traditional overtones', 'Premium quality yet at affordable prices', 'Roomy enough for the family weekend yet perfect for city parking'.